Second Hand Smoke

A discussion with someone I've had a non-relationship with for the past 8 years - who also happens to be the subject behind/inspiration of many of these posts - drove me to write this down. That and Four Dinner's Bambi - I think I'd love to meet her. Now, I smoke. I started when I was around 20 I guess, and I swear it has actually helped with my asthma. All irrelevant. Now this is a sensible young lady - an attorney and all.
She says to me that second-hand smoke is more deadly than first-hand smoke.
"Does that make sense to you?"
"Yes."
"Seriously, does that make any sense to you?"
"Yes."
"O.K.... explain it to me then. I fail to see how it is even possible."
"No."
She wants to compromise.
Compromise on what?
I'm going absolute bonkers at the moment.
All the joys of marriage without the sex.
(And where the hell are the posts I've published?)

What So You Do?/Lines I Like

What do you do when you think that someone believes you are not good enough for them… that you are somewhat below them? What if they never actually act that way, or say anything – but every now and then you get the impression that they would be embarrassed to go out in public with you?

Just an impression….but a strong one. Suppose you do manage to be out with that person, but they are always a step or two ahead of you - and you don’t walk slowly - unless you are seated together in a darkened theatre, and she made sure you got there ahead of her, by stopping to talk to a friend or two she didn’t even bother introducing you to?

Or am I just being paranoid?

It crosses my mind that my last post or two have been overtly… personal.

No, that makes no sense. It’s a blog – it’s supposed to be personal. So let’s say that I have been going on too much about my relationships – or total lack thereof.

So let’s talk about other stuff…

I believe that George W. Bush is a money-crazed jackass who might drag the world through the gates of hell for the sake of big business.

I think that if Iran wants nuclear weapons they’ll get them one way or another, so let them build their bloody nuclear reactor.

Ahhh… enough.

How about some of my favourite lines – ones not created by me?

Here goes:

• Jesus Christ died because he forgot the safe word.
• Meat isn’t murder – it’s what’s for dinner.
• You don’t work to enjoy yourself – you work to survive.
• If the plural of mouse is mice, shouldn’t the plural of spouse be spice?
• Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.
• I even love the things I hate about you.
• Fantasies are better in the head than in the bed.
• I do not regret the things I have done… I regret those I have not.

I’ll do some more another time – I’ll also go into details about my ‘work’ problems.

You Just Don't Do It For Me.

Note: My apologies about my tardiness in keeping this blog o' mine up to date... I really need an Internet connection at home. Better yet, I need a home...

‘You just don’t do it for me’.

After being faced with such words, what do you do? Let go and move on is the logical answer. Easily said, not so easily done I dare say.

I’m not talking love here, I’m talking… interest. I’m talking about liking the way someone looks, thinks and talks in no particular order. I’m talking about experiencing a small tightening in the chest when you get an unexpected glimpse of her, I’m talking about calling her at four in the morning just to hear her voice mail. Is this love? No, but it is interest. You like her.

Really like her. However, you just don’t do it for her.

Move on. Forget. Get over it. Since I have yet to quote a song, Walk On By, from the Soul II Soul classic.

Easy to say.

I have a theory, a thought, an idea. Forget about caring, forget about interest, forget about love. Walk on by. Sure, you might be alone, but that beats getting hurt. I think.

No number of conversations, of little gestures, of expressions of care will make a difference. Sometimes you just lose and have to make your way out of the ring, defeated. You have lost a fight you just could not win. Sometimes you win, more often you lose. Walk on by.

Easy to say.

You just don’t do it for me.

Ouch.

Walk on by.

Walk on by.

I have a friend or two, which may surprise some – God knows it surprises me at times – who both have rather interesting takes on my love life or the lack thereof. One says I love the unattainable. The other says things in a much more graphic way, but then it has been said her mouth needs to be washed out with soap. I have given their opinions some thought and have come to the epiphany that my biggest problem is my belief that love conquers all. Yes, I know I’m not talking about love here, I’m talking about interest, but the same ghosts apply. Walk on by.

Easy to say.

I believe that no matter the difference in social class, perception or any other factor that you might be able to come up with, anything is possible. I believe that one should be able to look beyond the façade societal constraints force you to create and know who you are and appreciate the same. Anything is possible, or so I tend to believe. Then again I might be an idiot, a sentiment many are willing and almost fanatical to endorse. There are so many things that affects what happens in your life that it is, frankly enough, not fair.

Then again, what do I know?

Walk on by.

You just don’t do it for me. Do you pursue or live your life, leaving her beside the detritus of your so-called existence or do you try the ‘let’s just be friends’ crap, knowing that no matter what, something more than mere friendship will be at the back – or more to the point, all over – of your mind?

Walk on by.

Yeah, right.

I’ve asked this before, but do you just let go, do you continue your solo walk down the road called life or do you do an U-turn and try like hell to make your wishes come true?

You tell me.

For the record, phrases such as ‘You just don’t do it for me’ may have been invented for the purposes of this rant. Then again, they may have not. Who gives a freak? Why walk on by or not?.

The choice is yours, and mine. Nothing else matters.